The Little Changes You Can Make to Your Diet So You Don’t Shit Your Pants

Solid advice to avoid non-solid movements

The first thing I do each day, besides dealing with the sheer vehemence and discomfort of being awoken from my slumber, is brush my teeth. It must be done before anything else.

I sleep with my mouth open, and admittedly I don’t always brush my teeth before bed. So most mornings I wake up with a film over my teeth so thick it could patch drywall. That’s why ridding my mouth of this substance — I’d really rather not think of its actual contents — is done before anything else each day.

But after waking up one morning not long ago, I hadn’t even squeezed the toothpaste tube before my gastrointestinal system sounded the evacuation alarm. But this wasn’t like some emergency drill you conduct at an office building in which everyone is reminded to make a calm and orderly exit. This was an evacuation close to the real thing — chaotic and rapid.